Fear of Safety and Bliss

I took a training this past weekend for workshop leaders to improve the workshops and retreats I'm leading, and during the intensive weekend, when we were talking about marketing, he asked what people get from my workshop, and I shared in front of the group that it was about intimacy, and he said vehemently that NOBODY WANTS THAT.

I couldn't believe my ears. Doesn't everyone want intimacy? Yes, of course they do, on the inside, but most people associate intimacy and vulnerability with pain, so it doesn't create good marketing materials.

I thought about it for a while - what's painful about vulnerability and intimacy? I wrote an earlier blog* entry about how vulnerability = strength, addressing how vulnerability is misassociated with weakness, but in my world I hadn't associated it with pain.

Then I got it.

When we feel safe enough to let our defenses down and offer someone our unguarded heart - if they don't return the gesture, we ache. If they do return the gesture, we make available the contact between two tender places, and this connection feels SO BLISSFULLY GOOD while it lasts, and when it ends - we hurt.

It is easy to blame that pain on the vulnerability. We should never have let them in, right?

But it wasn't the vulnerability itself that hurt. Vulnerability is the context in which intimacy can occur. When two hearts are open, beautiful things can happen. Some of the greatest pleasures known to us as humans are sometimes referred to as intimacy.

It's not the vulnerability or the intimacy that hurts, it's the rejection or the withdrawl of the pleasure that hurts. The vulnerability itself makes possible the greatest pleasures and the greatest pains.

It seems sad to me that so many people close their hearts, forget the bliss that emotional intimacy offers, and only associate vulnerability and intimacy with the pain at the end.

In that previous blog entry* I talked about the draw bridge of a castle. When the draw bridge is up, you are safe, no one can get in, no one can get out. When it is down, people can get in and out. You may be attacked, but you can also let your armies out, and be open to trade and visitors.

I imagine that those with subtle intimacy fears closed their drawbridge in a time of war and forgot to open them in a time of peace...

On an airplane last week, I took my 4yo daughter to the bathroom, and the light in the airplane bathroom only switches on once the latch is closed. Like most four year olds, she got scared when the door closed and the light didn't go on, and felt relieved when the latch closed and the light came on. When we left, I unlatched the door and paused before opening it, leaving us temporarily in the dark.
"I'm scared" she said.
"This is what it feels like to be scared when you're actually safe" I said
She relaxed.
I unlatched the door, and we left.

I invite you, dear yogis, to notice when you're unnecessarily guarded. In your hearts, in your relationships, in your hamstrings.... Notice how much tension we create to avoid things that aren't happening, that aren't even about to happen. How much tension do we create in an effort to prevent something that happened years ago, and is no longer preventable.

By virtue of the fact that you are alive and reading this right now, ultimately, you have been safe every moment of your life. Moments may have presented potential danger, may have left all sorts of scars, but have left you alive, and safe sitting here reading in total safety right now.

In your current reality, in the privacy and safety afforded by sitting and reading to yourself, let the part of you that has been guarded against potential attacks relax just for the briefest of moments and notice if the act of letting down of your defenses, the act of making yourself vulnerable, was itself pleasurable or painful.

Please write to me to share your experiences and whether I've hit or missed on this.

* The other blog entry: http://openhere.ning.com/profiles/blogs/vulnerability-strength

Ayurveda & Yoga....Summer tips, tricks & recipes

Stay Cool This Summer

Ayurveda, the ancient holistic healing modality from India, is based on the five element theory. The foundation for the entire cosmos is seen as an interplay of the energies of Ether, Air, Fire, Water and Earth. All organic and non organic substances are made up of some combination of these five elements. The body's constitution, referred to in Ayurveda as one's 'dosha', is an individual's inherent physical and mental nature. Each persons constitution is a unique combination of the five elements, with some elements more predominant than others.

Summer is dominated by the fire element, related to the Pitta dosha. Pitta translates as 'that which cooks' and is associated with the body's metabolic system and the energy of transformation. Pitta governs our intelligence, discernment, courage, willpower & joy. When out of balance it arouses anger, jealousy, impatience and hatred. It manifests in the body as infections, inflammation, fever, heartburn, acidity, skin disorders and intolerance to heat.

During the summer months the body has a tendency to get overheated.
Ayurveda provides us with simple & effective practices for keeping the fire stoked without letting blaze out of control.

General guidelines for keeping cool & balancing Pitta:

• Emphasize foods that are cool, dry and heavy
• Eat cooling herbs & spices like fennel, mint, coriander, cilantro, turmeric and dill
• Avoid heating spices like cayenne, garlic, horseradish, chilies, basil and black pepper
• Emphasize sweet, bitter and astringent tastes.
• Limit salty, pungent and sour foods
• Avoid caffeine, alcohol and refined sugar
• Spend time in cool peaceful environments. Enjoy time in nature, moonlit walks, go for a swim
• Massage body with cooling oils, like coconut & safflower oil
• Laugh, play, relax & unwind and take time to enjoy life!

What’s for Dinner?

Simply Sautéed Greens

• 1 Bunch: Young Fresh Kale,Collards,Chard, Spinach,Dandelion Greens, stemmed, ribbed and shredded into very thin strips
• 1 tsp Cumin Seeds
• 1/2 tsp Ground Turmeric
  
• 2 tsp Coriander Powder
  
• 1 -2 Tbsp Ghee (Clarified Butter) or Coconut Oil

Steam greens for approximately 10 minutes. Heat ghee or coconut oil with 3 Tbsp water in a pan until clear, add the turmeric, coriander and cumin seeds and stir briefly to release aroma.
Add the greens and salt, and sauté for 2-3 minutes until flavors are blended.

Multi-Vitamin Pesto

Pesto adds protein, enzymes, EFA's, vitamins and minerals to your meal. Great on veggies, grains, fish, chicken, bread..just about anything!

• 3 Bunches Fresh Chopped Cilantro
• 3/4 cup Raw Pumpkin Seeds
• 8-12 oz Olive Oil
• Juice of 1 lemon or 1 Lime
• 1-2 inch Fresh Grated Ginger Root
• Himalayan Sea Salt to Taste
• Optional: 1 Tbsp Vita-Mineral Greens, Hemp Protein Powder, GMO Free Lecithen Powder, Nutritional Yeast and/or a handful of Toasted Sea Palm

Place seeds and oil in food processor. Blend for a few seconds. Add cilantro and blend. Add remaining ingredients, except salt and blend until it forms a creamy rich paste. Continue adding oil until you have desired consistency. When you have the desired consistency add salt with a wooden spoon.


Keep Your Cool with Yoga

During the summer your yoga practice ought to be moderate. You can still challenge yourself in your practice however, your practice should ultimately be relaxing and not overly heating. Twists, seated poses, sidebends, inversions and a nice long Savasana (corpse pose) at the end of your practice will help you stay in balance during the warm days of summer.

Yin Yoga

Yin Yoga strengthens, lubricates and heals the joints. A Yin practice increases mobility and bathes one’s body with vital energy, known as prana or chi. In a Yin practice we evoke our lunar nature with long slow holds, releasing connective tissue and enhancing energy flow and distribution. It is an ideal practice during the warm summer months as the poses allow us to relax and cool the body and the mind.

In a Yin practice first come into the pose, establish a comfortable edge where the muscles are unengaged, however are still stretched, commit to stillness (no fidgeting!) for 3-5 minutes.

Lying Butterfly Pose

Lie on your back and take a moment to feel the weight of your body supported by the earth. Bend the knees and bring the soles of the feet together. Let the knees drop out to the side so that the legs form a diamond shape. Rest back on the elbows with your hands stacked on top of each other on your abdomen. You can also create more of a backbend by lying on a bolster or pillows. You can also place pillows under the thighs for additional support. Focus on breath & sensation and allow the body to slowly unravel..marinate 3-5 minutes.

Join me for a Yin/Yang Yoga Practice every Monday night, 6-7:30
at 7th Heaven Yoga Studio in Berkeley, www.7thheavenyoga.com

Experience this unique style of yoga that combines the active Yang aspect of our nature with our more receptive Yin qualities, creating a deep, integrated practice.
Utilizing the tools of asana (postures), pranayama (breath control), and mindfulness, Yin/Yang Yoga is an enlivening and relaxing journey toward wholeness.

Jill Leslie
kitchenalchemy@gmail.com